Mother Again

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; in all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6, NAB)

 

Thirty years ago, after an easy, yet worry filled pregnancy; I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. I’m going to breast feed; I’ve read all the books and think I know what I’m doing. I can’t wait to get home with my baby and away from the drudgery of hospital routines.

Fast forward, eight years ago, another easy yet worry filled pregnancy; I gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. The hospital staff was wonderful and helped a lot when I had problems breastfeeding. I even joked about putting one of the nurses in my suitcase and taking her home. I was so afraid to be home alone with this beloved child.

So, why was I so afraid with this new baby? I had done this before, in fact in thirty years this was my fourth child. I should know what I’m doing. When people ask if raising this child is easy since I already raised three, my answer is a resounding, “NO!”

First I’m out of practice. As a child grows a parents skill set needs to change and grow. Things you did when the child was two no longer apply when the child is fifteen.

Second, at nineteen I had no clue and thought I knew it all, no fear. At forty one, I knew a lot more, knew that there was no way to prepare myself for what was happening and would occur in the upcoming years.

The one similar factor in both of these scenarios was, I thought with a little help from family that I could do this alone. God gave me these children and figured I could do the job without his help. WRONG! God’s thinking was exactly the opposite. He wanted me to turn to him, to ask for his help. We are not meant to traverse this life journey without him.

Obviously, it has taken me many years with lots of trials to learn this lesson. My first three children are now grown and have turned out well in spite of my lack of faith. The real test is ongoing though with my eight year old. We finally did figure out the breastfeeding and managed to get through her infanthood and I still wasn’t ready to acknowledge my need for God. The awareness came on me slowly as she has grown. Now at eight I know I need God. The problems don’t go away; she is still a challenge, but knowing that there is someone who will bear the burdens for me and guide me when the path seems darkest makes the journey a little easier.

It is pride and selfishness that guide my decisions not to trust God. I should be able to do this on my own, not rely on anyone to do it for me.  Hopefully, with God’s guiding hand and holding a tight rein on my pride and selfishness, this child that he has gifted me with, will not face the same obstacles to accepting God as I have. She will know that God is there for her and will carry her burdens. She will not rely on herself and other humans and things of earth to guide her through life. God is there for all of us, even those of us who are slow to open up to him. Maybe it is time to let go of the things of earth and turn to God.

Lord Jesus, give me the wisdom to know when to seek your help and then the knowledge to accept it.

 

Is there something in your life that you think you can do on your own? Do you struggle with issues and rely on yourself and or others to get through it? Does your pride keep you from reaching out for help? Pick one thing, set aside your pride and ask God for help. Let go and let god. Drop the baggage on His doorstep and let Him help.

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