Letting Go

Aaron's RevengeI reached a crossroad last night. Xlibris the company that helped me publish Aaron’s Revenge contacted me with what seemed like a wonderful marketing offer that would cost me four hundred dollars. They pointed out that Aaron’s Revenge had now been published for a year (not quite, publication date by my reckoning was June 23, 2010, so they are off by a few months). Anyway they wanted me to pour more money into a marketing program to try and sell more books. Sounds pretty good, right (at least maybe). It looked that way to me at first. Then I talk to my business advisor/financial guy (in other words my husband). Just a little background here, my husband is an engineer and I am an author. If you can’t see the problems there, I’ll paint a better picture for you. While I am very emotional and looking at this as my baby, one of my children, he is looking at things through his practicality glasses. Initially I take it personally. He doesn’t think my book is good enough to invest more money in. He wants me to do math and see things in a straight line with no gray areas in between. Usually I can almost take this, but in this case its one of my babies we’re talking about.  I don’t handle it so well.

Step out of the room and try to get some perspective. Feeling a little attacked and wronged. I turn on my computer and my I-pod and start doing some revisions. The first thing that jumps out at me is the collage I have on my computer. Thanks to my friend Dar and Picasa3 I created a collage of all the characters in the novels that I am working on. The photos represent how I see them in my head. Two cute guys in the center of the screen are calling out to me. I look in their faces and realize they need to be my focus, not the last book, not the next book, but their book. (Although when I think about all three books are about them, but two of the books are beyond my control right now.) Oops, there is a scary thought, beyond my control. Aaron’s Revenge has fallen into that category. No it can’t be. I’m not ready.

Quick need to text someone who understands, who will let me cry on their shoulder, (not my husband, we already know his response). No, I need another writer. Darlene, my other brain, she will be perfect. We start texting back and forth. Meanwhile the song Letting Go by Jeremy Camp is playing, somehow it repeats several times during my texting session. By the end of the texting session, I finally click to the next song and realize it is time to let Aaron go, at least until a time when I am ready to rewrite him. Not an easy process, but a necessary one.  I need to move onto the next step, the next novel, the new project. Aaron was my first born, but will not be my last and there are no shortcuts. The work has to be done and time has to be spent nurturing the others. Aaron will always hold a special place in my heart, but the time has come to push the bird out of the nest and make room for the others.

Happy Writing and God Bless,


P.S. Two things: First Aaron’s Revenge is still available at Xlibris, Amazon and Barnes & Noble and will continue to be for as long as they will have it.

Second: During my process last night, there was some prayer, because a decision should never be made without God. I also think He had a part in the repetition of the song on my I-pod. That is something that has never happened before.;.

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