I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth… I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34: 1, 4)
This past weekend, was one of trials and stress, of things I had no way to control. I fought, I cried, I screamed at the kids. I let the situation I had no control over, have control of me. Rather ironic, the one thing I did have control over I abdicated my control to let something that I couldn’t control, control me.
Through all of this I cried out to God and felt as if He wasn’t answering me. I sat and wrote in my journal all of the feelings that battered my soul. I yelled at God and blamed myself. I was very full of myself, taking on responsibility for things that were not mine to take on. I was a mess and yet God sat by laughing His gentle laugh and waiting for me to come to my senses.
Something good was brewing. I was working on a scene in my w.i.p that needed a lot of emotion, a lot of turmoil. My character was in a place where he was torn in many different directions and I needed to get those emotions down on paper. Enter stage right, my ranting to God for my current trials in their entire tear stained glory. With a few tweaks they become the confused ranting of a confused prince.
All through my trials, I kept saying when would I see the light, when would the darkness go away, why did I have to wait so long to come out of the pain. The whole time I was focusing on the trials, I was journeying toward God’s resolution, but I couldn’t see it. I was blinded by my own darkness.
Now as I sit here and look back over the pain and confusion I realize that even though I still have not come to the end of the trials, that there have been triumphs, there have been joys, light in the darkness. And now as I contemplate all of my distress, I am laughing with God. He knew and yet He waited patiently and now I thank Him, I will sing His praises to the highest hills and the lowest rivers. I will thank him for the tears, the pain, the joy, the anger, for His love and patience. For His continuing to love me no matter how much I yelled at Him. For His solution to my writing block.
So I haven’t come out of the trials, but there have been triumphs along with the tears. I must remember to look up and see beyond the darkness and not miss the little flickers along the journey.
Thank you God for the trials, for the triumphs. Never let me forget that You are guiding the journey, and you know the destination along with the side trips. Help me not to be discouraged but to patiently continue. All this I beseech of you through your most patient and loving son, Jesus. Amen
All for the Glory of God,