For God so love the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish, but might have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him. (John 3: 16-17)
I realized recently that I have trust issues. And it’s not so much with humans, them I trust, them I turn to when the road gets rough. It’s God I don’t trust. Don’t get me wrong, I believe, I pray, but I don’t completely trust. I hold back when all the chips are down. Instead of turning to God, totally relying on Him to bring me through, I hold back, I turn to humans.
Here is an example: I have a weight problem. I know I have one and there are things I should do to lose the weight. Anyway, each morning I step on the scale to check my weight. Most of the time I thank God for whatever I see on that scale and move on with the day. Sometimes though I am not so thankful, I don’t like what I see and after taking a few steps away, I return to the scale and step on it again, hoping for another answer. It dawned on me the other day when I did this, that I wasn’t trusting God’s path. I kept looking for a different outcome.
I believe this lack of trust, comes from another issue that haunts me. I have this expectation that if I trust God, He will do it all in a great show, like the Moses and the burning bush, like the weight will just fall off like snow falling off a roof. I shouldn’t have to do any work, it should just happen, because I ask for it and it should happen now.
And now for the cherry on top of the sundae, when things don’t happen my way, I blame God, berate myself and use this as an excuse not to move on, not to do what I know I should be doing. I get discouraged. I don’t have the courage and trust necessary to do the work and to follow the path.
So what do I want you to take from all my ramblings? Well here it is I am weak without God. I need Him by my side to traverse the trials set before me. However, He won’t do it all. Not that He couldn’t do it all, but he won’t. He wants us to have faith, to trust completely, to wait on His time. There may be no burning bushes, no bolts of lightning, no bats upside the head, but if we, I trust, then someday there will be results. But, it has to be my whole trust, my complete faith, no holding back, no stepping on the scale expecting different results.
Most loving and patient Jesus, thank you for all the gifts you have given me in spite of my lack of trust. Help me to trust you, to let go of my fears, to let you guide me. I know there will be work for me, but with you by my side we will someday achieve all that you have planned for me. Forgive my lack of trust, my fear and my doubt. Lord Jesus bring me to the fullness of your grace. This I pray through your merciful and gracious Son, Jesus. Amen.